Monday, October 11, 2010
No More Dreads - 10 Months
I sit here still not knowing if I made the right decision. I was done with my dreads, I had them, I loved them, but I came to a point where I was done. It had been awhile of off and on thinking I didn't want them anymore. And then one day last week I just decided to comb them out.
And now I sit here missing them. I have even cried about it -- a few times, a few more than a few times...and I don't cry about a lot of things. That sounds so stupid, I'm crying about my hair, how shallow. But in the end I made the decision, I combed out every single one of the 80-something dreads I had. I wanted to. And now I'm sad about it, but I'll live. And give me a few days and I'm sure I'll be better, I just need some grieving time. I feel like I am going through more of a transition now then I did 10 months ago. My dreads represented so much more than a hairstyle...they were me being able to be ME. Me breaking out of the confining box that I had put myself in. And now without dreads I feel like less of my funky one of a kind self, again it sounds silly but its a real feeling. I wanted to feel empowered, I wanted to feel like I made the right decision. And for most of the few days combing them out process, I did. And then somewhere between have 3/4 of them combed out to now that was lost. I need to regain that excitement.
I'm trying to be excited. I'm excited to fulfill my daughters request and grow my hair long - like hers. And excited to sit and let my three year old son comb my hair, he missed that these past 10 months. And excited to see my husbands smile when he can run his fingers through my hair up near my forehead. But I'm not excited for anything regarding me. And that just plain sucks.
I'm going to embrace this dreadless time. I'm going to embrace this dreadless time. I'm not going to live for the "when I have dreads again", I swear. Well I don't swear but I'm going to try. This is not just a dreads thing, it's a me thing...I have SUCH a hard time not living for the next thing. I really need to work on this, so I guess not living for the next time I have dreads is a good place to start.
I know I will have dreads again. But there are going to be a few stipulations next time. #1) I will stop using (if I ever start again) regular shampoo/conditioner at least a month before starting dreads. #2) I will have one length of hair (or as close to that as possible) #3) My hair will be past my shoulders (hopefully by a long way).
I had a HUGE battle with dandruff/buildup and honestly this was the thing that was the final straw. I was constantly self-concious of the dandruff. I tried everything and I mean everything that is recommended for dreadies and nothing worked, it might work once and then not again. I almost dyed my hair blonde so you wouldn't be able to see the dandruff :) It was the worst in the beginning and then got better, but was STILL there and there all the time.
More photos of My Dreadlock Journey here.
Posted by Stephanie at 8:09 AM
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I loved you dreads but I have always loved your hair...like you said, "you will have dreads again." Especially when the time is right.ReplyDelete
Haylee is letting her hair grow and then cut it for locks of love. Love that idea.
Have a great day.
Love ya and miss all of you.
I'm a lurker of your blog coming out to say i just took my dreads out too :( it was definitley time. the dandruff/buildup was really getting to me. i don't know if i'll have them again simply for the fact that taking them out was so painful!! but i did looove them and loved the carefree mindset i always seemed to have with them. your 'brushable' hair is very pretty too!!! :)ReplyDelete
Again....we love you any way you are. Just wish you were closer so we could enjoy you every day!ReplyDelete
(this is from Janelle, I couldn't figure out how to post without going under the mops google group??)
I think you have lovely hair! How bad did it hurt to brush it out? My dreads are weird, they are locking up so fast without me doing anything --I do wash my hair everyday which most say not to but I don't like being dirty. Your life is changing a lot lately. Blessings and Peace to you. If you want dreads again, I can do it for you, my parents live at the Lake of Ozarks, Missouri so we will be there to visit. :)ReplyDelete
I feel like you have felt so many times, and not over dreads. I think Moms who are wonderful Moms! When we start having lots of kids at a young age, we devote ourselves to our family and homeschool sometimes feel lost, like we have to show the world we are still PEOPLE! Not just Moms! I don't know exactly if that is what you meant at all, just what I read in it. I walked to a diffrent beat growing up and now as a Mom I try to not just fit in a mold. I love love love being a Mother and a wife, but I also want to be Lori. Either way that is how your post spoke to me, and thank you so much for that, the min one admits that we feel we are being vain or selfish, which you are NOT at all! That is Mothers guilt.lolReplyDelete
Also we maybe headed to St. Louis soon and maybe we can meet up! My FIL wants us to see him.
I'm smiling now, thank you!ReplyDelete
@Lori~for real mama, wonderful words and they spoke to my heart. I was telling my best friend this morning, its not just my hair, its just my hair is something I can name -- I can put my finger on that. I am Stephanie...and sometimes it is so very hard to figure out who that is amongst life. I love my life with all of my being, I think I just need to nurture ME a bit more.
LOL you and Jen both gave up, huh? j/k! You're always so beautiful no matter how you have your hair done!!ReplyDelete
You look beautiful. Love it. Life changes and so does hair. No worries. xxooReplyDelete