Monday, October 11, 2010
No More Dreads - 10 Months
I sit here still not knowing if I made the right decision. I was done with my dreads, I had them, I loved them, but I came to a point where I was done. It had been awhile of off and on thinking I didn't want them anymore. And then one day last week I just decided to comb them out.
And now I sit here missing them. I have even cried about it -- a few times, a few more than a few times...and I don't cry about a lot of things. That sounds so stupid, I'm crying about my hair, how shallow. But in the end I made the decision, I combed out every single one of the 80-something dreads I had. I wanted to. And now I'm sad about it, but I'll live. And give me a few days and I'm sure I'll be better, I just need some grieving time. I feel like I am going through more of a transition now then I did 10 months ago. My dreads represented so much more than a hairstyle...they were me being able to be ME. Me breaking out of the confining box that I had put myself in. And now without dreads I feel like less of my funky one of a kind self, again it sounds silly but its a real feeling. I wanted to feel empowered, I wanted to feel like I made the right decision. And for most of the few days combing them out process, I did. And then somewhere between have 3/4 of them combed out to now that was lost. I need to regain that excitement.
I'm trying to be excited. I'm excited to fulfill my daughters request and grow my hair long - like hers. And excited to sit and let my three year old son comb my hair, he missed that these past 10 months. And excited to see my husbands smile when he can run his fingers through my hair up near my forehead. But I'm not excited for anything regarding me. And that just plain sucks.
I'm going to embrace this dreadless time. I'm going to embrace this dreadless time. I'm not going to live for the "when I have dreads again", I swear. Well I don't swear but I'm going to try. This is not just a dreads thing, it's a me thing...I have SUCH a hard time not living for the next thing. I really need to work on this, so I guess not living for the next time I have dreads is a good place to start.
I know I will have dreads again. But there are going to be a few stipulations next time. #1) I will stop using (if I ever start again) regular shampoo/conditioner at least a month before starting dreads. #2) I will have one length of hair (or as close to that as possible) #3) My hair will be past my shoulders (hopefully by a long way).
I had a HUGE battle with dandruff/buildup and honestly this was the thing that was the final straw. I was constantly self-concious of the dandruff. I tried everything and I mean everything that is recommended for dreadies and nothing worked, it might work once and then not again. I almost dyed my hair blonde so you wouldn't be able to see the dandruff :) It was the worst in the beginning and then got better, but was STILL there and there all the time.
More photos of My Dreadlock Journey here.